11.01pm Dad: Mom is not well. The cancer has moved to the bones.
11.05pm Me: Ok. Ask mom not to worry about me. Pray and have faith! God has been faithful.

My stomach just churns... when i read the text. I literally dropped to my chair, Oh God! another blow? Why? Such timing.....I  was unable to walk properly quite shaken by the news, i limped to the phone and called Chow... I have faith... but at the same time fear as well... Chow said its ok to cry if i feel like crying... but seriously.. can't ...Have no more tears.

I need to be strong for my mom. Stay strong... its not the time for crying.

How ironic ... I was still mourning over my personal disappointments one minute... and the next minute... all these moaning and mourning seems pointless to a certain extent insignificant.

I have to be strong again, just like 11 years ago.

Today, I have reacted in the same way. God has been faithful, never never let us down before. Pray for us as a family that we will stay strong. Pray for mom that she will have the warrior spirit. No matter in my world or her world...洪水氾濫時耶和華坐作為王. AMEN! Lets do it together Lord! Show us again how amazing and awesome You are through my mom's suffering.

Please support me in prayer.. I need all the support to go through all these trials... studies, my life and mom's illness.

Everything went ugly today..
Shouldn't have talked to him, shouldn't have done what i did today. Shouldn't have listen to my emotions and my heart AGAIN! 
It just clicked when I saw that messege from him to someone else. Although he begged me not to take it out of context. I didn't, I didn't take it out of context, its the fact that he can be so nice to a friend, just a friend.... it just click naturally everything just make sense and that feeling (clingy feeling, wanting to hold on) just disappeared.
After leaving his room, I was exhausted. After all, I spend the whole morning and most of the afternoon "negotiating". Next thing I know was, I was walking aimlessly on Queen St. then had Zaru Soba at Saika - a really satisfiying late lunch.
Spend the rest of the evening at Mission Bay (our first date).. closing off where it started. Giving myself a "symbolical" closure.
Thats the end, I told myself. The end of all the dreams and hopes I have for this relationship.
I treated myself for a sumptious dinner at the restaurant called BUOY. Had Pork Piccata.. don't ask me what was it, but it certainly went well with my glass of Pinor Noir.
While waiting for the food, the couple sitting opposite me was making some small talks.. and they were such a sweet couple! When asked by the waitress what was the occasion, the guy answered sheepishly : "its our 1 year anniversary" How ironic...

I have been "cursing" myself for a while for what I did to this relationship.. "shoulda, woulda, coulda"  was the three words that have been in my mind for the past few weeks.
But well, sigh.. what is done is done. I can't change anything now.. its too late to regret. I have done my best to beg him to change his mind. 
I guess all I can do now is to recall life before him and live life that way. 
Not going to be all miserable, its time to end this sentimental stage and be tough.
Eat healthy and be all merry, and fall back in love with my first love *^^*